PuC’s Food Farce Force

Barf bag

[What happened in the FDA after 1999?]

The following list of food is the result of my having thrown away several cans of chunky fruit cocktail because the fruit was substandard and one can had fruit covered in dark speckles. Then, there was that can of foul tuna. Ugh. I’m tired of calling these companies up and telling them that the food I used to get under their brand was A-OK, but that the food I’m eating now under their label is substandard, third-world products manufactured under their brand name. I’m not paying high prices for third-world products. The fruit in these cans have also been deformed, and not properly cored. I almost broke a tooth biting down on fruit! What’s wrong with this picture? I stopped eating Fiber One after pulling pieces of straw out from between my teeth. Enough is enough.

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Toilet paper, too.  How the *&)^%$ can a manufacturer phuck-up toilet paper you might be wondering? Perhaps Scott 1-ply toilet paper manufacturer forgot to sharpen its cutting blade?  For surely Puc isn’t keen on opening up a roll of confetti in the bathroom? Or sucking in frickin’ little con-phuck-etti into my lungs as I gasp at sudden fright from the frickin’ mess that just popped out of the toilet paper wrapper, effing-A (for all you Canadians out there. heh)?!

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General Mills – 30May08 – BUBU204606A – Inner bag opened on one end.

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Bumble Bee Solid White Albacore Tuna in H2O – 02/2011-8059MH8SKP – 3 black, dime-sized “entities” found squatting therein.

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Del-Monte Orchard Select Sliced Cling Peaches – 020909 – 722101 PG7 00:04 – deformed, poorly cored.

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Fresh Express Double Carrots pre-made salad, net wt. 12 oz – May 18, N125A 151A – I got a one-meal salad out of this whole bag – the next night the carrots were slimey and lettuce had literally wilted in the tightly-closed bag. I had to toss it out!

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Nature Valley Crunchy Granola Bar, Oats ‘N Honey – 03Aug08 BV#3 01:47 – got stuck in the gum with what looked like a piece of straw or hay. The rest of the bar seemed a little too “earthy” for my taste.

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